


At Your Pace

by undernightlight



Series: Gays in Space [13]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Fluff, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Not Beta Read, Survivor Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-13
Updated: 2019-09-13
Packaged: 2020-10-18 01:10:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20630597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/undernightlight/pseuds/undernightlight
Summary: Chris knew that soon, their casual relationship would have to end. He dreaded when that time came, because he really had caught feelings. With Ash laying in his arms, he could feel that there was something to be said.





	At Your Pace

**Author's Note:**

> Oh wow, my first Pike/Tyler fic. A pairing that like, in canon, I don't ship, but in fanon, I adore. Welp.  
Honestly, super inspired by Demertie's Piler fics, especially their fic Stay. I'd so recommend it if you like some soft, cosy Piler.
> 
> But please, enjoy!

When Chris woke up, his arms were wrapped around a warm body, making a lazy smile from across his face. The gentle snores coming from the man in front of him was a welcomed sound, Chris so used to waking up in silence and cold, Ash already awake, either putting on his shoes to leave or already gone. He was a late sleeper when he didn’t have work, and Ash was an early riser regardless; Chris never had the opportunity to wake up with Ash still wrapped in him arms.

It had been two months since the incident, since they lost the Discovery. Chris still thought about it a lot, everyone did, but he guessed that Ash, Spock and himself thought of it the most; they lost the most. He missed them everyday, and he probably would for the rest of his life.

Ash stirred and Chris held his breath, hoping for the peace to stretch on a little longer. He knew what they had was casual, his brain knew, but his heart had other ideas. He savoured their moments together - a significant length of time with them both on mandatory medical leave - but he wished their time was spent with a variety of activities. The fucking was great, ideal stress relief for both of them, and Chris had no complains in that department, but he always wished for quiet nights were they could just lay together an it to be enough. He’d like to take Ash out to dinner at a restaurant with good food and music and an atmosphere that wasn’t suffocating. He’d like to take Ash dancing, or for Ash to take him, to move together in a rhythm that wasn’t so frantic and desperate. He’d like to walk alongside the ocean, the night sky above them, Ash’s hand in his.

He’d tried not to let his feelings show, but he knew he did a poor job. He was sure Ash knew, or at least would figure out soon, and then their arrangement would end, and Chris would go back to sleeping alone.

There was a groan from the man in his arms, and Ash began to stretch out. Chris loosened his hold. "What time is it?" Ash asked, his voice like gravel in the morning. 

"Nine," he replied. He closed his eyes, enjoying what he was sure was their last few moments before Ash pulled himself free. 

Another groan, but Ash didn't attempt to escape, instead only shuffling back into Chris' chest. "Do you have anywhere to be today?"

"No. You?"

"No."

It sounded like Ash wanted to say more, but stopped himself. Though they hadn't known each other all that long in the grand scheme of things, and their relationship started off rocky on Discovery, sleeping with someone on a regular basis was enough to learn a few key tells, though Chris wasn’t always sure what those tells were. He just knew.

“Ash?”

The man in question fidgeted. “Urm, do you mind if I stay awhile?”

“No, not at all.” Chris felt Ash’s body relax, and it was only then that Chris registered that Ash had been tense to begin with. “You’re welcome to stay as long as you want.” And Ash nodded. He locked his fingers with Chris’, arms around him and hand on his stomach, and pulled Chris closer, tighter around him. Chris hadn’t expected this, but wouldn’t argue, so buried his face in Ash’s neck, hair tickling his nose. And everything seemed alright, if only for a short period of time.

Though Chris could not see Ash’s face, he could tell he was wide awake and staring at the wall. Chris could feel the rise and fall of Ash’s chest, once smooth and stead, but now uneven with heavy swallows. He wasn’t sure if he should ask, it may not be any of his business, but with his already unusual decision to ask to stay, Chris thought maybe he should ask Ash after all.

“What’s going on Ash?” No reply was still a reply. Ash stayed silent, possibly hoping to just pretend he didn’t hear, btu Chris knew he did. “You don’t have to tell me,” he continued, “but I’d like it if you did.” That was enough for Ash to roll onto his back, free of Chris’s hold whether it was his intention or not. Ash turned his head to look at Chris, who propped himself up to better see, and Chris couldn’t help but see sadness is Ash’s eyes. Sadness, and worry, and something else. Longing, if he had to guess.

“I like you,” he started, and though that was enough for Chris to chew on for awhile, there was clearly more to be said, so Chris listened with full attention. “I like you a lot, actually,” Ash continued, “but I can’t help but feel like...like I’m letting Michael down, betraying her. The casual sex, I could justify that, but actually caring, wanting something more, just seems too soon, unfair, and I don’t know what to do.”

It would’ve been ideal if Chris had time to craft an answer that was truly helpful, where he’d spent time absorbing the information and letting it sit, and finally finding something to say that was profounding thoughtful, but there was no time for that.

Ash sighed as Chris began to speak. “I don’t know if it helps you to know I like you too, but that’s not relevant right now. What you and Michael had was important to you, that’s not going to change, but other things and people and moments can be just as important too. I wouldn’t ask you to forget her. You love her, and I’d love for you to talk about her because she’s fundamental to the man you’ve become. But how you feel is the most important thing here. If it doesn’t feel right to you, then it isn’t.”

“But how do I know if it feels right if I don’t try?” As he spoke, Ash drew a hand up to Chris’ arm, trailing finger along the curves and creases of muscle. Chris knew there wasn’t a good answer, or a right answer, to Ash’s question.

“Sometimes you know and...sometimes you don’t.”

His voice barely above a whisper. “I don’t.” Ash snaked his hand up to the back of Chris’ neck and pulled him down, their lips meeting on Ash’s terms. It was long, each movement dragged out, but needy and desperate, different than how they’ve kissed before. When their kiss broke, Ash kept Chris close, foreheads resting together, but he didn’t dare open his eyes. “I want to try, I just don’t know where to start.”

“Start here, with me. Just stay here today.”

“Okay.”

“And don’t worry, we’ll go at your pace. I’m willing to wait for you.”

Another drawn out kiss, but Chris could feel Ash’s smile against his lips, and he couldn't help but smile too. The kiss quickly devolved into giggling and they had to pull away. When they settled down, Ash was still smiling, holding Chris close. "Thank you."

Ash had nothing to thank him for, but telling him that would be pointless and wouldn't help anything, so Christ just nodded with a gentle smile, before settling down, arm around Ash's waist. It was comfortable and quiet, and Chris knew that what Ash needed to say had been said. Maybe he would get the chance to take Ash out and things would turn out perfectly, or maybe they wouldn’t, but Chris thought Ash was worth the chance.


End file.
